also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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