im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
