he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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