it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
