So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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