ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
