Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
