His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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