I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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