you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
