how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
