im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
