I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
