im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
