Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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