I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
