If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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