names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
