dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
