girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
