HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
