He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
