I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
