It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
