You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
