He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
