She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
