halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
