So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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