Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
