Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
