my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
