I cut my penus on the lid.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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