Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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