Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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