Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
