I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
