barbara walters just said penis...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
