Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
