I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
