he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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