he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
