I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
