Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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