No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
