dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
