if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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