So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
