So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
