Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
