we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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