i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
