I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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