Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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