and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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