im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
