I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
