I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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