I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
