I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're like the curious george of whores
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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