I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
